Confessions…EMOTERA AKO!

At this point of time I am under a great emotional turbulence. After 3 years, I am again experiencing the agony that crushes every artery and vein in my heart and tortures every lobe in my brain. I’m still on the process of dispensing all the excruciating sensations into one dramatic literature so right now let the lyrics of this song give you a sneak of what I’m going through…

 

“Cry”

by Rihanna

 

I’m not the type to get my heart broken

I’m not the type to get upset and cry

’cause I never leave my heart open

Never hurts me to say goodbye

Relationships don’t get deep to me

Never got the whole in love thing

And someone can say they love me truly

But at the time it didn’t mean a thing

 

[Chorus:]

My mind is gone, I’m spinning round

And deep inside, my tears I’ll drown

I’m losing grip, what’s happening

I stray from love, this is how I feel

This time was different

Felt like, I was just a victim

And it cut me like a knife

When you walked out of my life

Now I’m, in this condition

And I’ve, got all the symptoms

Of a girl with a broken heart

But no matter what you’ll never see me cry

 

Did it happen when we first kissed?

’cause it’s hurting me to let it go

Maybe ’cause we spent so much time

And I know that it’s no more

I should’ve never let you hold me baby

Maybe why I’m sad to see us apart

I didn’t give to you on purpose

Can’t figure out how you stole my heart

 

[Chorus:]

My mind is gone, I’m spinning round

And deep inside, my tears I’ll drown

I’m losing grip, what’s happening

I stray from love, this is how I feel

This time was different

Felt like, I was just a victim

And it cut me like a knife

When you walked out of my life

Now I’m, in this condition

And I’ve, got all the symptoms

Of a girl with a broken heart

But no matter what you’ll never see me cry

 

 

How did I get here with you, I’ll never know?

I never meant to let it get so, personal

After all I tried to do, stay away from loving you

I’m broken hearted, I can’t let you know

And I won’t let it show

You won’t see me cry

 

[Chorus:]

My mind is gone, I’m spinning round

And deep inside, my tears I’ll drown

I’m losing grip, what’s happening

I stray from love, this is how I feel

This time was different

Felt like, I was just a victim

And it cut me like a knife

When you walked out of my life

Now I’m, in this condition

And I’ve, got all the symptoms

Of a girl with a broken heart

But no matter what you’ll never see me cry

 [x2]

 

This time was different

Felt like, I was just a victim

And it cut me like a knife

When you walked out of my life

Now I’m, in this condition

And I’ve, got all the symptoms

Of a girl with a broken heart

But no matter what you’ll never see me cry

 

All my life…

This is nonsense…

Who cares if I’m being cheesy or whatsoever…

Things happened so swiftly, no ample time given to enjoy each other’s company nor adjust to the unexpected circumstances…

Basta! Thy will be done.

I just want to dedicate this song to someone who instantly, unexpectedly became a significant person in my life…(just disregard the romantic lines)

 

“When You’re Gone”

by Avril Lavigne

 

I always needed time on my own

I never thought I’d need you there when I cry

And the days feel like years when I’m alone

And the bed where you lie is made up on your side

 

When you walk away I count the steps that you take

Do you see how much I need you right now

 

[Chorus]

When you’re gone

The pieces of my heart are missing you

When you’re gone

The face I came to know is missing too

When you’re gone

The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok

I miss you

 

I’ve never felt this way before

Everything that I do reminds me of you

And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor

And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do

 

When you walk away I count the steps that you take

Do you see how much I need you right now

 

[Chorus]

When you’re gone

The pieces of my heart are missing you

When you’re gone

The face I came to know is missing too

When you’re gone

The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok

I miss you

 

 

We were made for each other

Out here forever

I know we were, yeah

All I ever wanted was for you to know

Everything I’d do, I’d give my heart and soul

I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah

 

[Chorus]

When you’re gone

The pieces of my heart are missing you

When you’re gone

The face I came to know is missing too

When you’re gone

The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok

I miss you

Celebrity Collage by MyHeritage

Celebrity Collage by MyHeritage

Celebrity Collage by MyHeritage

Pix.. pix.. pix…

dragon in taoist temple

the real chicken inasal… bacolod’s best

tomgutz nq…hehehe

CRANK THAT CRAP!

 

Ever experienced the relaxed feeling of releasing all the bad elements inside your body? But then again, just when you thought you would be the most fulfilled person to proudly shout “success” after being seated at the pearly white throne for about fifteen minutes or so, with sweat dripping all over your forehead, by the moment you touched the flush and bid goodbye to the wastes just minutes ago was inside your endocrine system, suddenly you realized that something is terribly wrong…

Basically, the flush is functioning totally well, even if not, there’s a faucet and a pail provided. However, after flushing, you noticed that the water swirled very slowly and in an instant you have this ghastly hunch that your body toxic won’t go to where it is supposed to go. You stared blankly at your crap as it gradually goes with the flow round and round in the bowl until the water reached its normal level…but you are appalled because your creepy crap is still there glaring back at you; dreadfully telling you, “hit me baby one more time!”

Since the flush needs sometime to store up water for the next round, it’s the bucket’s turn to bout. You filled the pail with water then hit again your poo-poo for another time. Evidently, that shit is bullshit! It has a very strong resisting power, it’s like Mc Arthur, it shall return. Darn! There must be a problem with the plumbing or on the posonegro… Should you call a plumber? Or a negro? No. You need to surpass this test victoriously on your own. You need to outwit your opponent. Come on, it’s just an unpleasant looking foul-smelling non-living stuff containing millions of (eew!) living microorganisms which if we traced back where it really came from, it would lead us to your filthy ass. Ha! You produced it yourself because of your gluttony!

After so many failed attempts, you finally devised one great plan. A combo attack – you hit that flush then powerfully pour out the water-filled bucket onto the arena a.k.a toilet bowl. Voila! There you go; the nasty dung cannot anymore withstand the strong current of your combo. At last! You can hear Mariah’s Bye-Bye playing at the back of your head as you arrogantly gaze at your submerging poor poo-poo. May it rest in peace.

Eventually, this brought you such a great feeling of achievement. You are just one of those few who proved that the principle “try and try until you succeed” is true and not just a defense mechanism of those losers who keep on losing. You may now shout out loud SUCCESS!!!

P.S. Don’t cha dare forget to wash your stinking dirty hands. And use soap okay!ü

LONELY IN LILO-AN

 Written on June 23, 2008 out of boredom

What is worse than traveling alone in a land quite far away from home carrying a luggage half of your size, not to mention a laptop weighing four kilos and a blue bulky backpack containing loads of your anik-anik… mingle with people whose dialect sounds alien to you but you have no choice but to communicate as intellectually as possible using your own vernacular but eventually they would respond in their native tongue. So, you try as hard as you could to comprehend on what they are exclaiming, thank goodness you’ve been blessed with this special skill called “analytical hunch” in which you somewhat felt a sort of vibration on what are they trying to say. Urgh!!!! What’s worse? Probably, it would be going to a place where you have to do your business with, however, the people you would do your business with informed you beforehand that you should not do business with them now because they are busy; again however, this very definition of stubborn boss of yours still insisted the poor you to proceed in their place and implore them that you would be staying with them for a week whether they like or not. And the poor you, caught in the middle, stranded for one whole week, though you are warmly welcomed, on the contrary, you should not do any business. Darn!!! This is disgusting! So disgusting! Okay fine, atleast they cordially accepted me to stay until I would fly to Bacolod on the 29th. Yet, I’m not allowed to observe class savings neither work in their CoJY office. So, the bottom line is I would just have to lock my self in the room provided for me, do cartwheel or whatsoever, but touch their CoJY is a no no. Then what on earth am I gonna do for seven solid days???!!! Tell me! Tell me! My officemates told me, “Okay lang yan! Atleast pahinga ka for 1 week!” (That’s okay, atleast you could take a rest for a week), “Mamasyal ka nalang sa Cebu!” (Explore Cebu). Yah, yah, it is totally fine, but goodness gracious! What am I? A boarder? A baksyonista? A tourist? And the like. Aha. This is really awesome – away from your boss, rest-all-you-can – fabulous indeed since they are not in this foolish situation! Well, for everybody’s information – this is embarrassing me to hell!

Furthermore, as much as I want to explore the beauty of Cebu, it seems that it is not an excellent solution to my boredom and humiliation. Why? Let me count the reasons:

1. I don’t know how. I’m not a descendant of Dora the Explorer.

2. I know nothing in this island, except going to SM Cebu.

3. I have no sense of direction. I’m so stupid in memorizing my whereabouts

4. I can’t understand Cebuano (due to this dialect barrier, I might not notice that I am being sold to a chauvinist to become a whore Oh no!!!)

5. Mr. Weather is having mood swings… Most of the time, nowadays, he is in a very very bad bad bad temper. Rainfall, wet surroundings and bloody mud, (yikes!) make me sick, thus, I’m may possibly not enjoy my exploration.

I am like a patabaing-baboy (fattening pig) here. They serve me plenty of food five times a day! (Goodness, minimum of three viands for a single meal!) This basically adds up to the embarrassment feeling which is bugging me so badly. And sooner or later it would kill me! Arghh! I want to vanish right on, from this very place… My brain silently screaming Natasha Bedingfield’s Pocket full of Sunshine – Take me away… a secret place… a sweet escape… TAKE ME AWAY!!!

How I wish I have this teleportation power that when I shriek out “APARATE” I would be teleported to Manila, then I can stay there for one week to finish my pending works in the office, otherwise, maybe hangout all week long in PUP, or rather simply slouch on our couch and munch assorted junk foods while watching telenovelas. Then get back to Cebu on Saturday afternoon to prepare my things for the following day’s flight to Negros. OR MAYBE, a PORTKEY will simply do. Let me see… uhhmmm… Perhaps that broken mirror resting at the center table would transfer me to Tarlac and have my weeklong escapade there instead…hehehe.

Unfortunately, none of my two great wishes would possibly come into reality… I would just have to stay behind, rest my butt in this black brass seat… play music in my multifunctional laptop… burp then afterwards fart because I’ve eaten so much… text any pal registered in my phonebook to update them with what’s going on with my monotonous life… take loads of pictures with my newly bought digicam… measure my waistline as it increases in size…pour out my neurotic thoughts in my laptop for additions to my neglected blog… then burp and oops! Fart again… then text again… then take again pictures with me, myself and my multiple personalities as the subject…then measure again my unsexy tummy as it expand disgustingly. Wahh!!! This is a terrible torture!!!

A REALLY SAD LOVE STORY

Love at first sight – I never believed in this silly phenomenon. Not until three months ago, when my boss tasked me to go to this place, well I don’t want to mention where, someone he knows might be reading this, or worse “him” hahaha. 

Actually, I can’t identify if this crazy thing that unexpectedly occurred to my eccentric life is really what they call it love at first sight. This is such a ridiculous emotional attraction probably caused by some unexplainable forces of nature that coerced with your hypothalamus. Then for the very first moment you laid your eyes onto this anonymous debonair you felt an invisible object directly struck your throbbing aorta. Wait. Just where the hell that invisible object came from? Blame it to that naughty mythical creature named Cupid. But that’s beside the point.

Okay, going back, let’s just conceal him in the nom de plume “Mr. Adobe”.  So I went to Mr. Adobe’s office to show him something and to ask for his opinion about a certain thing that has something to do with what I’m doing (darn! It’s hard to narrate this story in an elusive manner!). In fact, I had no idea who he was. I just imagined that he is just an old geek guy who might be really superb in the thing that has something to do with what I’m doing and happens to be a friend of my also old geek boss.

When I cross the threshold onto Mr. Adobe’s office, there are, if I counted them right, five people inside– a lady on her table at the reception area, a guy student standing nearby the lady’s table, a middle-aged man also on his table, a younger man on the interior part of the office talking to a girl student, and the girl student talking to the younger man on the interior part of Mr. Adobe’s office. Who is Mr. Adobe? I asked the guy student that I’m looking for Mr. Adobe and he pointed me to the younger man on the interior part of the office who is talking to a girl student. Whoa?! He is Mr. Adobe!!!! My wrong speculations at the back of my head evaporated in a flash. He is so much younger than I thought and he doesn’t look like a geek guy at all.  In fact, he appears smart and interesting to me. I knocked, greeted good morning and approached a little bit closer to where he is standing. And there he was, he smiled back at me and responded interrogatively on what he can do for me. I introduced myself and by the mention of my boss’ name he already had a slight idea about my purpose of coming over. I handed him the thing that I’ve been doing and he asked me to take a seat at the comfy cobalt couch and wait for a bit.

 

Ordinary is the adjective I could think to describe his physical attributes. He is not even cute in accordance to my criteria of cuteness. On the contrary, I don’t understand why all of a sudden, after a year or two, my heart starts beating faster than the regular – again. I just can’t get my eyes off him. Yet, I don’t find him handsome at all! Then again there’s something about him that brought me to a conclusion: “Wow! I want to marry this man!” Hellooooo!!!! Am I drunk? No. I don’t drink. Am I on drugs? Certainly not. I’m not an addict. Wake up! Wake up! Is this paranoia?

It’s possibly because of his eyeglasses…I told myself. Did I mention I easily get attracted to men who wear eyeglasses? I often imagine staring to Harry Potter every time I gaze to a guy who wears spectacles magnificently.  As for Mr. Adobe, his specs fit perfectly to his not so perfect face.  

Mr. Adobe is wearing a navy blue poloshirt. His baggy faded pants is tattered on the knee area. I asked my self, is this guy really an office boy? Ugh, forget about his fashion statement. After attending to the girl student, he finally turned to me.  We called up my boss to ask what exactly does she wanted Mr. Adobe to do. Upon knowing, he slouched comfortably at the cobalt couch with his broad back facing me while his legs raised rested curled. He started working on the thing that I gave him. We converse casually, and he makes this odd head movement like what the possessed little girl did in the movie Exorcist just to gaze at me everytime he asks questions. Questions I did not right away respond to because I feel ashamed to answer.

Yes. I asked myself, how could my boss do this to me? How dare she put me into this situation where denial is not a pretty good option? (I don’t want to go on details what exactly the scenario was, please bear with me.ü)

Though I was hailed Girl Scout of the Year when I graduated elementary, I was not prepared to be the receiving end of such criticism (got the connection?). And take note; from the very person I suddenly wanted to spend my lifetime with, the guy I instantly adored, which therefore, I should build a charming impression with. With much desolation, my “ganda points” which is scored zero, dropped down to negative 100! How could that boss of mine did not inform me that I would be meeting a master!

The thing which I handed him on his very hand is a piece of junk! If only I knew this would be happening, I could have done better. Our casual conversation was mixed with modest mock on the trash that was obviously done by no one else but me. Though, he tried to conceal his professional yet awful critique to make me feel better, telling me that I just have to do some enhancements, the sensation of mortification had crawled to my nerves.

On the other side of my molten ego, I still enjoy conversing to this intellectually gifted git. I can feel a certain connection of our minds and our souls. Not to mention we are working under the same congregation, we also share the same interests. Although it’s very evident that he is a whole lot better than me, but humbly speaking, I’m learning from him. And that’s exactly what I’m looking for a potential partner. No, not someone who would teach me loads of stuff, I can learn loads of stuff without being taught anyway, but basically, someone better than me on atleast a certain domain.

Abruptly, the very object that would definitely mark the end of fantasy came into my vivid vision. I furtively examined his hands and with such feeling of remorse, I found that burning emblem on one of his fingers which symbolizes the earth shaking statement: “Sorry girls, I’m taken!” Gloomy indeed, he has a ring… around his ring finger…colored gold…Oh no!!! How can life be so unfair?! Just when I thought I already met my “the one” who would finally complete me, he just turned out to be the man of my dreams, literally. That enchanting specie of Adam will just remain in my dreams forever. I’ve been doused by a jug of icy cold water. Kindly pass me that box of Kleenex!      

Nevertheless, I need to poise myself. He should not notice that just few minutes ago one of my greatest dreams has just been shattered. Being a good actress that I am, I managed to continue our discussion as cool as possible. He even seated beside me to show me my mistakes and the things that needed improvements. While I, seated next to him, was half listening, half mourning. A scene from Julia Roberts’ flick My Best Friend’s Wedding flashed before me. The scenario where she, even if it hurts like hell, need to stay composed and wear a fake smile as she delivers her wedding wishes to her best bud Michael on his wedding day, not to mention how she subconsciously yet obviously got dumped unexpectedly by this very own best friend of hers.

So, what exactly is the thread that logically connects me and Julia R.? Nothing really, I just felt the story of my favorite motion picture is worth sharing. Nah! Of course the moral of the story: not all leading ladies will successfully end up with their leading man for some unjust reasons. Indeed, love stories are somewhat like fairytales, with ending lines …and they lived happily ever after, but take it on a literal perspective, …they lived…blah…blah…as in “they”- him and that lucky other woman – EXCLUDING YOU, loser!!!  In other words, not everything will favorably go along your way, especially when in comes to your romantic affair. Sigh.

Back to my regressing love story, loads of events took place, including how I drool at the sight on how manly he sits in front of his computer while he rests his elbows on the computer table with his palm clutching his chin as he stares expertly at the monitor… Darn! Show me that witch who snatched away my blissful future with this delightful man!!! Hmp.

To cap off this sad love story of mine, I thanked him and we bid each other goodbye. I went back to my office beaming a smiling face but suffering with a bleeding heart.   

That was the last time we saw each other. Yet we got to talk over the phone for quite some time because of the person responsible of our encounter – my boss.  I still hear updates about his life, including his married life from some common colleagues and without knowing why, my depression tortures every root in my brain.

 I simply can’t believe that such crazy love phenomenon happened to me. Should I sue that stupid Cupid who was there during that time lurking somewhere I didn’t noticed. With his excitement to use his brand new shining, shimmering, splendid bow and arrow he accidentally shot the innocent me? Did that scenario just clearly explained some certain law of attraction? Opposite attracts, like sides repel. Female gets attracted to an opposite sex, however just when she thought they share several commonalities, that they are alike so as to say, the other party just repelled. Nah! What a lame logical analogy. But I speculate love at first sight is biblical. The moment God introduced Adam to Eve, Adam instantaneously fell in love with Eve, or maybe it’s the other way around. Still, the bottom line here is, they fell madly in love with each other and eventually started a family which resulted to now still growing population. Thus, love at first sight is the pioneer of the universally accepted love principles. Wow! Does that correlation made a great sense? If not, forget it.

Well, perhaps, I’m just too preoccupied and quite frustrated with my long pursuit of my “Harry Potter”.  Apparently I have to move on. Forget that I fell in love by initial glimpse then got broken a few hours later. Lesson learned. Experience gained. On a positive dimension, helpful insights were added to my bank account of special skills, to cite one, I know now the basics of using Adobe programs (Haha, I can now do editing or some alterations to my picture and Harry). Thanks to Mr. Adobe, who became my fair critic and at the same time my secret object of illusion for about three hours (and still counting…Ok!Ok! I’ve given him up, but like I said earlier, he’ll remain in my dreams and that’s part of my illusion).

I am looking forward to see Mr. Adobe again and when we meet again, and then he saw my work once more, hopefully, he would see such great improvements and finally applaud my very first piece of art.

As for my back to zero lifeless love life, nothing. So be it. There are more important matters to mind about like food shortage, unstoppable oil price hike and my unmanageable hair bangs. I trust God’s perfect timing. So while I wait for my Harry Potter to arrive at my doorstep specially delivered by our Big Boss, I’ll just have to continue learning not just Adobe programs but also other things worth learning, keep on writing pieces worth blogging, and of course resume on managing my freaky hair bangs.     

CONFESSIONS… ABNKKSuLTNPLAKo

I am a frustrated writer. If I haven’t taken-up BC I could have pursued Journalism. But eventually, I love numbers more than sentences and idiomatic expressions.  I actually don’t enjoy my English class much as I do with my Math class. For one good reason, subject-verb agreement gives me headache! Eversince Grade 3 or 4 until I reached college, plus the elective subjects namely Creative Writing and Business English (aside from the usual English subject) that I had to take-up wayback when I was in highschool, I still haven’t mastered the golden rules of subject-verb agreement. Hmp! Well, somehow, though I dislike language rules, I take pleasure of reading literary materials and idolize Shakespeare, Charles Dickens and J.K. Rowling. I became fond of reading the Leisure section in the newspaper and cutted out interesting feature clippings. Right then, my passion for writing started.

 

(Sidestory: Earlier, when I was in Grade 6, I was chosen to be part of the pool of writers who would be competing for the District Level in Journalism Contest against other schools.  After a series of exams to test our comfort zone, so as where to place us, I ended up under Feature Writing. But still, I have to make a choice whether I would be on Filipino or English category. And guess what? Of course, since I hate English and not having enough confidence on expressing my thoughts using the English language, I chose the very comfortable zone-Filipino. In the end, my foes were the ones who brought home the bacon :(, though luckily, some of my team mates won on their respective categories).   

 

When I reached highschool, I was able to contribute an article in our school organ (achievement! Whoohoo!!!). My writing frustrations continued until I entered college. Then, finally, when I reached my Junior year, my writing career dream found its fulfillment when I was appointed to become the Editor-in-Chief of the official newsletter of our college – the Koop.Works. Whoa! The appointment sent shivers down my spine because I only know little about journalism! I’m so afraid that I will not be able to meet the expectations of the faculty and mainly, of the readers. And then, here goes again the small voice within me, echoing at back of my head and telling me that I have no right to be the EIC and edit such works because I, for myself, often forgot the essentials of the English grammar! Oh no!!!  Nevertheless, I struggled to throw away my strife towards my greatest critique above all-my inner self called super ego and equipped myself with my larger than life guiding principle “I can do all things through Him who gives me strength” …Thank goodness, me and my staff (who happens to be frustrated writers too, except Richelieu) were able to release four (4) issues in a span of two years. And in fairness to the whole editorial staff, the readers’ responses were so much overwhelming. As for me, I really learned a lot especially to Mam Hermie, our consultant. (Achievement ule!!!>wink ..wink<)

 

One day, my Dude lend me a book entitled TWISTED, a compilation of Jessica Zafra’s hilarious pieces. Apparently, just when I thought that I am a good writer, I suddenly realized that my articles are as bad as a gradeschooler’s very first Informal Theme composition. My grammar sucks, and I don’t know how to play with words just like other writers do… just like what Jessica Zafra is doing in her column. My works lack in adjectives, similes and metaphors, idioms and the likes. In short it doesn’t have a zest to spice-up the readers’ minds. Whew! Oh no!!!!

 

So, the bottomline, the very reason I’m doing this blogging is basically to hone my writing skills. I’ll be posting soon my previous pieces and of course my new ones and hopefully, you people, would observed the evolution of my writing ability and see improvements. Ciao! (It’s almost 3 a.m. nstiff neck n ku…)

 

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